Secret recording of "The Guardian" editor and reporter

The following is a partial transcript of a security agency recording made at The Guardian newspaper offices in Manchester. It was in a hard drive lifted from the MI6 by a guy who works for the Polish Weather Service. 

Transcript Part 1. Voices identified as Jaime Demelon, editor (JD) and Scott "the Napster" Barret (Napster) a freelance journalist. 

...sound of chairs dragged on floor....papers being rustled....cough...

(JD) so, it's important you know I don't want to influence how you do your story

(Napster) I got it 

(JD) what do you have in mind? 

(Napster) I was thinking about a climate story with a scary angle. Giant hailstones. 

(JD) Giant hailstones? Aren't those frozen? 

(Napster) sure, hailstones are frozen rain. Giant hailstones are bowling ball sized chunks, they are deadly. This guy I know at East Anglia says he managed to trick his climate model to make giant hailstones. They cause a lot of damage. An outstanding catastrophic outcome from climate change. 

(JD) did he publish it in a peer reviewed climate journal? That's very important. This material will sell much better if we can say it was peer reviewed. 

(Napster) that's covered, the peer review at "Nature Climate Change" is finished, they really liked the story line, and the graphics are terrific. It's going for publication before Paris. 

(JD) giant hailstones. I like that. How many does it say will die? 

(Napster) about 5000 per year if we follow the Business as Usual case.


But the best part is the crop damage, the giant hailstones flatten crops. This leads to higher food prices and over 200,000 dead Africans. Plus it starts civil wars, and we get the refugees. That's a pretty good side effect. 

(JD) I like it. The refugee angle will give us more article material. 

(Napster) you bet, we can follow it up with an article about African refugees running away from giant hailstones, and the Prime Minister's refusal to allow young single males into Great Britain. 

...throat clearing sound... 

(JD) when they asked me to hire you I didn't realize you were so creative, but I think the story about single young male refugees was already published, in an article accusing the Canadian government of creating more terrorism by blocking the immigration of young Syrian males into Canada. 

(Napster) but these would be single African males. I guess we could add something about the possibility that they will join Boko Haram or Al Qaida in the Maghreb if they aren't allowed into Great Britain... 

(JD) don't you think that's a bit of a stretch? I'm not sure the newspaper's audience will agree with the idea that Great Britain should import single African male refugees to stop them from joining Al Qaida. 

(Napster) I got it, I'll stick to the giant hailstones for now, but later I want to develop that young African male refugee story...it could even have a sex angle

(JD) how's that? Sex always sells but I'm not sure we should be linking climate change to giant hailstones and then jump to Africans having intercourse. 

(Napster) You're right. I'll write about the giant hailstones, the death and destruction, the refugees, and forget the sex angle. 

(JD) Good. I think it's going to be a great story, when will you have the first draft? 

(Napster) by Friday, East Anglia wants a series of articles to come out at the same time as the paper we reference, all packaged ahead of the Paris meeting. 

(JD) excellent...

...chair sounds...door closes... 

End of transcript