11/11/2018

Ocasio Cortes political add

Opening scene:

Ocasio Cortes standing by a lake surrounded by Indians, wearing a red robe. :"I always thought my life would be limited to bartending and occasional gigs as a Bernie Sanders groupie, but then I got a call by Justice Democrats who convinced me their NY network could get me elected to congress. All i needed was to declare myself a Democratic Socialist(*) and propose open borders, free college and health care, rent and gun controls, nationalizing banks, and to be able to explain that low unemployment was caused by too many people working two jobs."

Indian fellow: "Miss Ocasio Cortes, I think you hired the wrong kind of Indian extras for this add, we are legal immigrants from Mumbai, brought in by Google to write their add algorithms".

Ocasio Cortes: "That's OK, I'm sure voters will see that you Patagonian Indians will benefit from my open borders proposal, you definitely have a reason to fight the white male capitalist patriarchate"

(*) Democratic Socialism is the name used by German communists to describe their ideology, a rebooted 21st century version of Stalinism.

10/17/2018

Spain 2018

The following are the notes from my time travel to Spain in the year of our Lord 2018, a place and time that you, my dear reader, would never get used to. 

The first scene I saw upon arrival was the Gran Via in Madrid, its sidewalks taken over by Africans selling dark glasses, imitation Gucci purses and fake "African" carvings made in China. The traffic was unbeliavable, the street was jammed, and the peddlers made it almost impossible to get through, so I took a side street full of garbage and ran away. 

Eventually I found refuge in a normal looking cafe, ordered breakfast, and sat next to an older gentleman who greeted me with a smile. This gave the opportunity to start a conversation to get a sense of what was going on. 

Me: I'm new in town, are you from here? 

Old guy: Sure am. Just sold my hardware store and retired. This is the first time I go out for breakfast this late and don't have to worry about the dog pissing on the carpet, because I'm going back to the house after I take a walk.

Me: I was wondering, have you been to la Gran Via in the last few days?

Old man: No. I've been to El Retiro, and I'll tell you, it's better to see the street musicians, mimes, and sleeping drug addicts than try to fight my way to get through the street peddlers to get to Plaza de España.

Me: Tell me, how did the change in the city come about? 

Old man: We elected a communist mayor, a nice old lady who used to be a university professor. The Africans you see in la Gran Via showed up in large numbers after President Sanchez invited them. Before this invasion they used to go to Italy, but they elected a new government, it closed its borders, and now the people smugglers put them in boats in Morocco and they transfer to "NGO" ships run by the Soros Group. 

Me: So the president is Sanchez, the socialist?  

Old man: That's it. Sanchez had lost two elections, but he managed to stay as Socialist party leader. He was waiting until a court declared the center right Populares to be guilty of corruption, set up an alliance with the communists and separatists from the NE, and managed to get Parliament to unseat the Populares and get himself named president. And because he had no program as such, one of the first things he did was issue a call to have Africans come invade us. That seems to be popular with the left. What do you think?" 

Me: Shit happens. The left likes immigrants who can't make a decent living and will eventually vote for them. But I never heard of cities being run over by street peddlers like this. It must be bad for tourism.

Old man: That's it. Even a socialist knows there're right and wrong ways to handle immigration, and this just doesn't make any sense. The Italians tried it and look at the mess they are in. They are almost like Sweden. 

Me: So what other changes have you seen? 

Old man: The president is a feminist. Or so he says. The justice minister is a woman from Andalucía , a former prosecutor who got recorded by a corrupt cop when they discussed his whorehouse business. But she won't resign, because another woman minister already did after it was revealed she had plagiarized Wikipedia to write her master's thesis. 

Me: That's unbelievable! 

Old man: Plagiarizing Wikipedia in a masters' thesis is daring.  But it gets worse. It turns out President Sanchez plagiarized a huge portion of his PhD thesis in economics. And there's reason to believe the bulk of the thesis, including the plagiarized text, was written for him in a government ministry controlled by Socialists.  That's a crime punishable by up to two years in jail.

Me: So now what's going to happen?. 

Old man:  I'm hoping the government will fall. But we never know. Sanchez is backed by the communists from Podemos, and their leader, Iglesias, is visiting separatists leaders who are in jail for treason. They are supposed to negotiate next year's budget, which includes tax increases, a higher minimum wage, and goodies for leftist voters. But the separatist leadership wants the government to do something to get out of jail. 

Me: That's to be expected. And what role is Sanchez expected to play? Or is he now allowing communists and separatists to run things? 

Old man: Sanchez travels a lot. He likes to pose for the cameras. Next month he's going to Cuba to meet Raul Castro. He just tried to get Brussels to suspend sanctions on corrupt Venezuelans working for Maduro. But that failed.

Me: It makes sense if Sanchez holds power thanks to Podemos' communist votes. Their leader, Pablo Iglesias, traveled a lot to Venezuela, and seems to have received financial support from Maduro. And we know Maduro is propped up by Castro and is loyal to the Cubans. So in a subtle way the Castro dictatorship influences what happens in Spain. 

Old Man: Oh, right! Shit. We are being run all the way from Havana via Caracas! And I thought having a transgender "woman" represent Spain in the Miss Universe pageant was bad (grimaces).

 Me: I know—there's that awful moment when you realize things aren't going to turn out like you expected

Old man: It happens to the best of us. That trans "woman" is an entertainer, that's something we can use in a light conversation. But the idea that we got this country being supervised by a bunch of communists who can't run an economy and insist on dictating their garbage is really upsetting me. This is worse than the Football Federation dropping the Spanish flag colors and using pink for their Tweeter account! 

8/28/2018

How I found oil in Venezuela using a stick

Many years ago I reviewed development well proposals for a field in Venezuela, and approved two, the second contingent on the first one. A few weeks later I get called to a meeting where they were about to confirm the selected surface spot where the location was supposed to be built, and found they had placed it about 150 meters from a house. 
I dont like ruining relations with land owners, so i told them they had better move it away from the house, and i started getting protests from the construction manager, because the spot they had chosen was ideal as far as he was concerned.
I told them to arrange a meeting with the land owner at his house, that we would go over with the construction and field managers, a drilling engineer and a geologist to jointly decide where to put the darned well. 
Prior to the visit i had the subsurface team get me map overlays showing the surface topography, structure and net pay so i could put them on the legal plats and aerial photos. And i noticed there was a really good spot much further from the house, located on a flat spot with excellent drainage towards a small creek. To make it even nicer, the spot was located where the fence made a right angle, so the location would be tucked in with a property fence on two sides.
I had them give me our standard pad layout, put it on the map, and picked a spot exactly 150 of my paces from the two fences.
The day we visited the farmer we asked him if he thought the current stake was to his liking, and he politely said it could be further away on account of the noise.
Then i told him, what the hell, i think we can find a spot where theres oil, and told everybody to follow me. I picked up a long stick and started walking around, got to the fence, and walked back 150 paces, turned 90 degrees and walked 150 paces to the other fence, all the time waving the stick in the air and stomping the ground with my boots.
So i had them put the stake where i had made the turn (which i knew was a good spot after reviewing the subsurface maps), and told them the oil was there, to prepare the location, and drill the well.
Imagine the hub hub in the field when they heard i was picking a location with a stick and stomping the ground with my boots. The hub hub was even louder when several months later the well came in at a bit over 2000 BOPD, about triple our average rate. I had them so faked they started questioning whether we needed geoscientists or reservoir engineers as long as i had my stick.