President Obombo Unveils Waziria´s CO2 Emissions Targets

Kumbasi -- President Patrice Obombo´s administration has reasserted its commitment to fighting climate change, submitting its plan to the U.N. to cut Waziria carbon emissions by up to 30 percent by 2030. The plan blends the formats used by Mexico, Switzerland, and China, and requires the full commitment of Waziria’s 4 million inhabitants.

Waziria´s president at one of his press conferences. 
President Obombo is increasingly isolated from the
Wazirian Senate, led by Senator Bala,  but is loved 
by his people and hopes to finish his term in 2017. 

 Later this year, negotiators from all nations will gather in Paris, to draft and sign an agreement to: 1 - fight global warming; 2 - adapt to its side effects like rising sea levels; and 3 - assist developing nations rein-in their carbon emissions without slowing the growth of their economies.

President Obombo is very keen on the third item, which can secure $17 billion US dollars, donated by the U.S. and the European Union,  to build the 50 megawatt Kuilú River Hydroelectric project,  an associated 5 megawatt wind park, widen the Kumbasi seaside highway to four lanes, and develop a new sugarcane biofuel industry in the former Lumumba National Park.

Many countries  have already submitted to carbon-reduction targets, Waziria Science Adviser Dikembe Mutombo  said in a call with reporters Tuesday. The Waziria plan, which uses a mix of actions used by other nations, could theoretically put the country on a path of reducing its carbon output "40  percent by 2050," Mutombo said.

Waziria´s Science Adviser, Dikembe Mutombo, laying 
out the three legged Wazirian CO2 emissions strategy 

"The administration's plan is on three legs," Mutombo explained.  "First, we have copied Mexico´s approach, and forecasted Wazirian CO2 emissions would increase by 57 % if we did nothing. This gives us the ability to commit to a 30 % cut, but we can increase emissions by 27 %.  To achieve the “30 % cut” we use the money donated by rich countries to build the hydropower plant, the wind turbine park, and plant sugarcane and build the associated ethanol plants.”

Mutombo added: “We also copied the Swiss approach, and have committed to send electricity by submarine cable to  the island nation of Cabo Caballo. As you know President Obombo is negotiating with Cabo Caballo´s dictators, the Kambo brothers, to open embassies and end Wazirian economic sanctions. The idea is to send them electricity from the Kuilú River Hydroelectric project, and claim the credit for their reduction in coal consumption (thus copying the Swiss approach). This also helps our strategic aim, to make the Kambo Brothers dictatorship rely on us for supplies, so we can put pressure on those two and make them stop abusing their people”.

The Kuilú River Hydroelectric Power Project is a
 keystone of President Obombo´s CO2 emissions
 plan. This is a conceptual artist´s rendition, 
showing the dam and the flooded Kuilú River valley. 

“Finally, we have copied the Chinese. If anybody dares question the  real 27 % emissions increase we will just point out we are poor, have a growing population,  and want to be rich just like everybody else. And we know this is good for our economy, good for our health and good for our future."

A Paris accord, if achieved, would mark the first climate agreement to include developed and developing countries alike, not just wealthier nations.  The plan Waziria submitted is not legally binding, but the government is committed to following it as long as the needed financing is offered by rich nations.

President Obombo has faced very partisan opposition from the Senator Bala faction in Congress. But he is really good at using his executive authority to sidestep them. To show rich nations Waziria will follow through, and secure those loans, he has already proposed tighter fuel economy standards for the bus lines running between Kumbasi and New Yolo, and achieved some methane emissions reductions by forcing the Kuilú River Delta farming cooperatives to  fill in their rice fields and grow tulips, which he hopes will allow flower exports to Europe, the USA, and Canada. 

Waziria´s Kuilú River Delta farmers have been 
forced to fill their rice fields to reduce methane 
 emissions.  Today they plant tulips, intended for
 the European, USA, and Canadian flower markets 

The president thinks nations will want to sign a non-binding accord in Paris, and this would not require ratification by the Senate, because it´s meaningless. But President Obombo and government ministers are very enthusiastic about  climate change.  They explain those loans represent a huge boost for national security and the nations’ future economic development.  

“We have a huge challenge. I realize the delta farmers feel tulips won´t be as profitable as rice, and the Kuilú project will require we level 9 villages, but we have to show our firm commitment” Obombo said. He also reminded Wazirians that Dr.  Michael Mann, the famous climate expert, wrote in December 2014 that “warming has already caused sea levels to rise about 8 inches (note: 20 cm) since the 1880s”.  

Senator Bala has voiced opposition to President Obombo's actions, declaring "Our international partners will not show up with the cash, President Obombo is on a fool´s errand if he thinks they will finance a hydropower project and the ethanol business in Waziria. Rich nations are controlled by a confederacy of dunces, they only want us to build solar power and wind turbine plants to make us import Chinese manufactured goods. They have been bribed by Chinese solar and wind turbine corporations".

Senator Bala, who has contested the rich nations´ commitment to provide the climate fighting money, said  Waziria would get more money if it accepted an offer by Sheldon Adelson to build the “Kumbasivegas” $15 billion USD super casino and hotel development.  Senator Bala believes this project could be realized in exchange for Waziria accepting the  transfer of three hundred thousand Palestinians to the Kuilú River delta plantations.

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