6/19/2014

We should change football rules

We should change football rules. I am convinced  these rules aren't  fair and we must change them.  This  idea came to me after seeing the Dutch team defeat the Spanish 5-1 at the World Cup opener for both teams.

Photograph: Dutch celebreate 
after massacre (sportsmole)

As good communists, and in the name of justice, we can’t allow this unfairness to continue. There’s too much   opportunism in the sport.  The game must change so that all teams have roughly the same chance of being  champions (after we fix the game we can fix the world economy,  just be patient).

The aim would be to avoid seeing players like  Iker Casillas  looking this way after such a pasting:

Photograph: Iker Casillas 
on his knees (from Peru.com)

I know Casillas,  like the other players  in the Spanish team, is from a good family. These guys play for their respective professional teams because they pay very well,  but the national team is a different matter. They suffer the defeats at the World Cup  because they have Spanish football in their blood, and this injustice has to stop. 
  
These players are members of the proletariate, and we must also consider the mental health of people living in  Spain (when I think of it, Madrid citizens should feel better because they  had two city  teams face off in the Champions League Finals, but the poor people in Barcelona have to be incredibly depressed).

 We can  make things better. I worked this out  with other members of the communist party secretariate, and we concluded   the key is to reduce the advantage more talented teams with better misters  have.  So we propose to  start with a change of rules, to help slower players who have worse aim to get as many goals (or at least almost as many) as very talented  players like  Leo Messi.

Photograph: Leo Messi 
It occured to us  this can be done simply by widening  the goal to reach almost the entire width of the football field. As you know, today  the arc is a toddler, and it's  really hard to score a goal from a distance.

Photograph: Typical goal (notice how 
small size makes scoring very difficult)

A wider goal  would allow ordinary players score lots of goals. So we propose to widen it , to make it  look like this:

 Photograph: Wider goal (notice how 
wide size makes scoring very easy)

This way goalkeepers won’t  stop anything!

Then,  to be sure even more equality reigns in the sport, we can remove the silly rule that says a player is offsides  (that is,  out of position) when he’s  standing on a spot the referee doesn’t like.

I know, I know.  Now you “experts” will say  this rule has its complexities, but that's not true. An assistant referee (linesman for you oldsters) can’t  run as fast as today’s  players. This means he can’t see if the player is out of position or not. And I tell you that because besides being a writer and Communist Party activist, I am also a football ref. And I  never run as fast as the players, nor  can I see exactly what is going on. So I raise the flag whenever  I feel like it.  And this is  exactly what  referees do. Everybody knows  it.


I think these two changes will suffice. We can start later this year, during the European club championships,  to  see if the results are favorable and improve the scoring equality. By next year,  if we see a Scottish or a Russian  team win the whole enchilada, then we’ll know we are on the right track.

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